Hello Everyone!!
Okay I am FINALLY back. I have missed you all so much and I am super excited to be back into my blogging. I have so much that has happened but I am gonna kinda just dive in.
Some of ya'll know that Thomas, my husband, and I were having MAJOR issues. He deployed in January. a few months before he deployed we have decided to become separated and go through with a divorce. I moved our son, Xavier, and myself home the same day that he deployed. I traveled back to Florida from Washington State. It was fun, tho I kinda took my time and made it so Xavier and I enjoyed it. We visited friends along the way. My son also turned ONE YEAR OLD! OMG WHERE DID THE TIME GO RIGHT!
Well I moved home and had family drama. Not really gonna go into that. Then I started working and then I finally moved out of my parents. I lived with, okay this is confusing so read carefully.. I moved from my parents house, because of a huge stupid fight, to go live with my best friend, Becca's husband. They were going through a divorce at the time and he invited me to stay with him and their daughter. Then I FINALLY moved into my own apartment. WHOOT WHOOT right?? I was so excited my OWN place. And I got to pick out the carpet and toilet and tile for it. Yes I was excited about picking out a toilet. l0l Okay that was the short version of my year. I was getting set up for my own, enjoying being home and supporting myself and yes I struggled but I loved it. I was surrounded by my annoying and loving crazy family and friends. I enjoyed work and school and my son and being a single mom. I had a plan and I was going for it.
Thomas and I had made peace on trying to get along and be friends and ready to file for divorce when he came home from deployment. Okay that was Jan til May.
Then My whole world was turned upside down and I had my world stop turning..
YES! My world STOPPED!
It was May 8th at 8:04am.. my phone rang... I was still in bed. I heard it and I looked over and it was blocked.. my brain said: Blocked? hmm can't be Thomas because his comes up as Thomas (he had a Afghanistan cell phone) or it came up a 9999 and so on number. I rolled over and went back to bed before I had to go to work. I got all cozy under the covers and started falling back to sleep... then my phone went off again so I am like contemplating on rolling over, finally I did so I look and see it says BLOCKED again.. I am like Really ppl.. so I answer, still half asleep. and here is the conversation:
I say "Hello?" Then on the other end I hear Thomas, my husband, who in case you forgot is deployed... he is upset.
He says, " Hey did I wake you?"
Me: "Yea but it is okay, how are you hun?":
He says, " Hey did I wake you?"
Me: "Yea but it is okay, how are you hun?":
Him: "I'm coming home"
Me: "Haha that is not funny Thomas"
Him:"I am not kidding"
Me:" Your joking, right, please tell me your joking?"
Him: "No Lauren"
Me: "Thomas for them to send you home means you are hurt!!??"
Him:"Yes, I got hurt"
Me: " Thomas this is not funny, don't joke"
Him: "Babe, I got hurt.... (he then explained what was broken)
As he spoke I heard I got hurt and I flew out of bed and started panicking, I could not breathe and started crying and freaking out. My world stood still. That moment I became so unstable I can't even put into words.
He was blown up from a IED. He broke his Left femur (leg bone from hip to knee the strongest bone in the body), his tailbone, and shattered his right ankle and foot.
He called me after he had emergency surgery in Afghanistan.
This call was on Tuesday. He came back to the states on Saturday. I met him here in Washington State. He has been in the hospital since and had 3 surgeries. Actually he is in surgery as I am typing this. I rushed back to his side. Our son is in Florida with my family. Thomas is lucky and blessed.
This is long so I am gonna stop here. Any questions or anything I can answer or anything you want to know? I will tell you if you leave it as a comment. I will write again soon. I love you all!! and I LOVE COMMENTS! :)
XOXO
So are you guys working out your problems since the injury happened, or going through with the divorce?
ReplyDeleteNo disrespect by the way, I've never met you, I was just curious! <3
DeleteI hope you guys get to work out your problems and stay together. :) Praying for your family :) love ya girl
ReplyDeleteLauren, Praying for Thomas a speedy and wonderful recovery. Please both of you think of that wonderful son you have and needs you both. Make your marriage work and enjoy the life that God has sparred for Thomas and given your family a new chance for happiness. Praying for all of you and I am here if you need me for anything.
ReplyDeletePraying for God to give you guys strength and courage and direction with your relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo why is it you didn't bring him his son, if you two were going through problems he was the main one he probably wanted to see most...
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind a comment from a total stranger! I linked to your blog from another blog I follow which deals with international special needs adoption - and a husband and father's deployment. I am so sorry about Thomas's injury and hope he will heal rapidly, with a minimum of pain and no complications. And I hope your relationship will do the same, if it is possible. You've both been through a lot in the last year, so be kind to yourselves and each other, consider counseling, and know that all three of you are in the prayers of many.
ReplyDeleteSending good wishes,
Susan in Ky
Your entire family is in my prayers. I can only imagine the stress of having a spouse that is deployed, coming and going in and out of your life, and the strain that would put on your marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy second marriage fell apart because I couldn't get the court to agree to allow my older children to move to another state where he had a new job. Well, I probably could have gotten permission with 6-12 months more, but the 6 months we had already been apart had us both going in completely opposite directions.
I often wonder if we had been able to be in the same state long enough, or often enough, to do some couples counseling, but there were no jobs on the West Coast, and the only positions he could find in his highly specialized field were on the East Coast. The reality was that he got calls for three interviews across the country within two days, and he simply drove across the country for the interviews. He was offered two of the jobs and was working 10 days after he left Oregon.
I know that both of us felt very alone, and there were so many legal complications with my first husband over the kids, that it took up almost all of my energy to meet their needs, deal with the legal issues, and try to figure out how to move us all cross-country, whenever the courts approved it. We talked on the phone, and I flew out there once, but by the time he came back for Christmas he was ready to become legally seperated.
(It is making me do this in multiple smaller posts.)
ReplyDeleteOur seperation was supposed to be a time for both of us to get things figured out as far as jobs and kids and to work on rebuilding our relationship. He started seeing a counselor near his work, and her advice was not to try any counseling together and to stop all anti-depressants. She seemed to accept that the crack in our relationship wasn't worth trying to fill
By the end of January he told me he had taken off his wedding band, and asked me to stop wearing mine. We didn't sign the paperwork until the end of March. I kept hoping that he would come to his senses and decide to at least do some joint counseling. I don't know if we would have "saved" our marriage, but I think we could have headed off a lot of the acromony that still exists around our daughter and visitation issues.
The misunderstandings and lonliness started the downward spiral of the marriage, and the rift was magnified because we never talked about why our marriage was ending. Like I said, I am not sure it would have saved our marriage, but it might have helped him not feel as hurt/mad when I remarried.
It might have also allowed my older children, who had always thought of him as their "step-dad forever." Their confusion, anger, sadness and acting out is a direct result of his choice to not do any counseling wihh me, or with them. As a consequence, they are much more leary of accepting new adults, and especially their new step-father.
I am lucky that my current husband truly loves my kids, and is very patient when they get upset and frustrated. A year later they are gradually accepting that he does truly love them. Since he wasn't married previously and has no children, I am constantly amazed at how much he understands their need to vent about how much they distrust all adults. He realizes it isn't really about him.
Okay, this comment is getting way too long. I gave you the details I did so that you understand my perspective.
I really hope that no matter what you decide, to stay married or to divorce, that you will take the chance to do some couples counseling while your husband is healing. I wish that I could have found a way to make that happen, even if the divorce was inevitable, so that both of us could have laid out our emotional cards. I think it would have been much easier for us to co-parent, and for him to stay in contact with my older children, who truly love him in spite of what they see as abandonement.
I certainly pray that your family will be able to stay intact. I pray that both you and your husband will find the common ground that you will need for at least the next 18 years of co-parenting, whether it is as a married couple or not. More than anything I pray that as you both figure out what your priorities are and which option you decide to take, that your son and his needs will always be the focus of any discussions about custody and visitation issues.
Good luck! Feel free to check out my poetry blog, poetrysansonions.blogspot.com
Sometimes when life is tough it is good to get a different perspective. I have several posts that will be posted over the next few days that contain some pretty funny YouTube videos. In the meantime, if you need something inspiring, check out these two specific posts.
http://poetrysansonions.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-worldwide-sisters-tribute-in-haiku.html
http://poetrysansonions.blogspot.com/2012/05/faces-of-love-dance-remix.html
Hey! I didnt know details of his injury until reading this! Praying for yall!!! Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteErica
Who would leave their child behind anywhere?!?!?!!?!?!!! when are you getting him back,how long has it been since you left him wit your family!?
ReplyDeleteHi! I found your blog through a comment you left on mine. I just want to say Im praying for your husband and for his recovery. And I wanted to let you know that the "Anonymous" person who left a comment about "why didn't you bring him his son" is an idiot who clearly has no idea what they are talking about, so please ignore them. Or better yet, delete them! :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you will keep us updated on how your husband is doing, and how the two of you are doing in light of this event. I will be thinking of you and praying for you, it's certain a long road ahead.