Thursday, December 13, 2012

Here it is Finally. The more detailed explanation of my life.

I am gonna try to explain in more detail about all this complicated life of mine. 
So I have never posted about the major issues with me and Thomas. Which is what lead to me leaving. I did this because well rankly for a while I was ashamed but also because Thomas is not a horrible person. He has a lot of really amazing and good qualities about him. Those are the reasons I fell for him and chose to be with him and marry him twice. I am hoping that me opening up here will not cause a bunch of stuff. I am doing this to help but also so ya'll can understand. But please do I honestly do not want anyone disliking him or thinking less of him. Thomas and I did not split because we do not love each other. Our relationship was just way to Toxic. This is because of abuse. And please note and keep in mind. I am not perfect. AT ALL. I am very depressive and moody. I am crazy and bitchy. Yes I left because of Thomas' abuse. I did not at all leave because he was injured. I went back to help him and we tried to work through it but with the fighting and the abuse I could not so I just walked away. This I know crushed him and I hated doing this but I couldn't. It was affecting our son and that is not okay. Honestly if we would not have had a child I think I would of stayed longer with him and tried more therapy with him for us to work. Because what finally pushed me to leave was that it was affecting my child. So I wanted to remove him from anything negative. I did not want him seeing it or growing up thinking it was okay. Thomas hates himself deeply for all that has happened. I am not going into detail atleast right now bout the abuse. He never wanted to hurt me and yes when fighting we had it both ways because I would fight back sometimes. So for us Love just was not enough. 
I moved and went to Colorado. I have ALWAYS wanted to live there. Plus a few friends that I grew up with live there as well so I knew a few people already. That helped. But after a month and a half I had some stuff come up with my health and a friend I decided to come home to Florida. 
Now I had my best friend of 8 years, his name is Brent Riemer. He liked me in high school. Actually I still have the note from when he asked me out. But at the time I had just broke up with my boyfriend/fiance Nick. Who was also friends with Brent so that would cause so many issues so that did not happen. Over the years we stayed friends. Best Friends. We always we so closer and stayed pretty close. Always there for each other. We talked bout trying. Well he told me to trust him. That he was different. He meant it all that he was and had said to me. After my marriage being over I was defiantly over any relationship. I was totally ANTI - Relationship. Well come to found out.. months later. He was playing me, lieing to me. He was still trying to get back with his ex Jessica. And he was also talking n started dating a girl names Ashley. Ashley messaged me about trying to fix the issues me and Brent were having. So I asked her if she knew what they were. She said no jsut that we were best friend and he was upset bc of something with him and myself. Well she then found things out and I confirmed. Actually Ashley and I are great friends now, best friends. And we have a ton in common and we are pretty much Twins. People say we look alike. We were work together now too and we are alive in personality and emotionally and most of the same things we like too. Brent and I were trying to remain friends. He went off and married his ex Jessica out of the blue. There are more details to the Brent and I situation but it would be so confusing. So not really going into it. He his still in Colorado with her. We are no longer friends. This is his doing. It still hurts because loosing my best friend of 8 years. I never thought he would walk out of my life. But he has. But I did tell myself him and friends that this would happen when he went back to Jessica. He did this when they were together before. He pretty much is screw everyone but her. He drops fiends and whoever for her. So that is his choice. I just want him to be happy. So hopefully he is. Just sucks loosing him as my friend. We have been through so much and managed to stay friends.. but not anymore I guess. Funny thing is when the Ashley stuff came up he begged me over and over to forgive him and let him back in and to trust him and he was so sorry and did not wanna loose me. But I guess due to his actions now that was also a lie.  
I do not trust really anyone now. It is hard for me to trust anyone or open up to anyone after being hurt by Thomas and Brent like I have. I just don't want to hurt like that ever again. 
Xavier and I live in Florida. My dad lost his job unexspectedly. So Xavier and I moved in with my parents and help them with bills and what not as we can. My mom went back to work as well. I got a wonderful job I love working as Regional Manager for Boost mobile. I work Fort Walton store but now the Niceville store opened up and it is my store to launch and get profitable and run. I LOVE IT! I work LONG hours and I hate it only because I am away from my son so much. But this is part of being a single mom and providing on my own for my son. So I do it because I love him not because I would rather be away from him. 
He is growing great and is in terrible twos already. We are bout to start potty training and all. So any tips on terrible twos or potty training let me know please. :))))  I cannot believe he will be 2 years old Feb. 1st! Where did the time go. He is a happy lil boy well unless you tell him No that is haha. 
Also In October I met a guy named Allen. He is unlike any person let alone guy I have ever met. He has a lil girl as well that is a a lil older than Xavier. He is great with Xavier. We never ever pushed Allen on Xavier. But Xavier goes to him to get Allen to play with him and all. Which is really sweet. About a month ago we made us Offical. Which scares the hell out of me every day. Because he treats me amazingly. With everything he does. he knows and has seen my depressive moodiness. Yet he helped me and even tho it frustrates him he stays around. He tells me he is not going anywhere. I am trying to trust him and not let my damage past keep me from being happy or moving on. But It is great to have a guy in my life that is showing me os much repsect and happiness and good to me and my son. 
Well that is about as much detail I can go in. If you have questions feel free to ask as always and I will answer. 
As for Thomas and I are we are not legally divorced yet. There are reasons for this tho. We are trying to do whatever we can to get alone for our son and remain friends still. Fingers crossed that happens.  

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